The finest women were fulfilling to the eyes, the least fine fulfilling to the heart.

(Aside: Youll never again hear me say anything that gay on this message board.

Every other entry in my Facebook news feed is either a picture of an engagement ring or an ultrasound.

While I have no desire to join their ranks, this shift in social dynamic has inspired me to look back through the women in my past (the ones I can remember, at least) and think about what I would look for were I ever to get into the whole monogamy thing. There is pretty much a straight-line inverse relationship between how physically attractive my former flames were and how good of a mate I think they would make.

From my personal point of view, get an ugly girl to marry you.

-Jimmy Soul, 1963 Every red-blooded boy dreams of growing up and marrying an attractive woman.

I fondly refer to the light switch in my bedroom as the great equalizer.

For most of us, being intimate with an attractive woman triggers a much more intense sexual arousal, everything else being equal.

Lastly, and perhaps most importantly of all, having one on your arm is a surefire way to launch your social standing into the stratosphere.

Ill go a step further and say Id rather go snorkeling at a sewage treatment plant than spend the rest of my life with any of the eye-candy of my past.

The reasons why less attractive women make better life partners havent been difficult for me to wrap my brain around.